The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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