do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just high enough for therapy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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