peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
