puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
