Apparently you make a good broom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
