Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
