:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
