Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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