How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
