shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
