I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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