yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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