I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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