My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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