I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
