Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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