i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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