i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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