if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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