Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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