Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize