It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
