when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
