Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
pray to the hookup gods
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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