someone threw a dead crab at me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
