There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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