planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
