Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
