she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
