just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
