she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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