in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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