Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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