i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
