I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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