i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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