can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize