I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
