I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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