So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize