I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You can't special order awesome
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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