I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My balls are so social today.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
