So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
