dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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