I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
