I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
