My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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