im having a threesome with these popsicles
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
