no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These tits shall not be calmed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
