she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
