You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
