u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
