Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We got so high we made milksteak
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
