I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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