My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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