i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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