So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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