I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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