I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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