I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
