I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
