I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
