I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Drake has all the answers
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
