i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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