What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
