i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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