Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
