I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want her autograph on my taint
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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