she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
