White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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