It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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