Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
