I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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