So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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