How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
