meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
