Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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