you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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