Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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