Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we have pet lesbian snakes
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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