Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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