please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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