2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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