I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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