I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
