You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
