please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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