dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
