Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
