Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dear god my vagina.
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