Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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