John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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