is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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