I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
