My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
